Satisfaction in Marriage

 I would just like to begin by apologizing for how long this post is. But it is very informative and if you are married or plan on getting married, I would highly recommend reading it. Thank you! :)

My opinion: This week we learned about marital satisfaction and what contributes to marital satisfaction. We learned that sadly, as time goes on, marriage generally decreases in satisfaction. This may contribute to each individual not realizing the others habits and traditions completely. Something so small as one person leaving the bathroom clean and the other spouse not leaving it clean, can contribute to less satisfaction, because in reality, your partner isn't exactly like you.

"Well then, we will just cohabitate." Study after study has proven that cohabitation leads to a higher risk of divorce, and it actually does not, in reality, help prepare you for marriage. I understand and know people close to me whom have cohabited and this is in no way meant to offend them, it is strictly fact.

Also, as time continues on, each child born causes an increase in marital dissatisfaction. This is not because the child is the problem, per say, but that the child requires extra attention-- which may lead the father to start feeling less satisfied because he is lacking attention from the wife because the wife may be giving more attention to the baby.

How do we avoid this? Well, for class I came up with a list of five things we can do before, during, and after the birth of the first child that can generally increase marital satisfaction and make each child help the satisfaction levels either stay or grow, not decline.

1. Before the birth a woman can have the husband take part in the little parts of the child growing. Such as when the baby kicks, allow the husband to feel the tummy. In fact, encourage it. Also, make sure he is at every doctor’s appointment as possible. Make the ultrasound visits priority. This is still the parents (mom and dad) child. This child is important and needs attention even before it’s born.
2. During the delivery, make sure the husband is there through everything. He is at the wife’s side while she is giving birth. That he is there for her every need. If she needs water, a nurse, anything. The husband is fully involved. Don’t find it annoying having him constantly by your side during this process; in the end it will be more helpful than ever.
3. One thing I find super important is when the baby is first born is the face the baby looks at. Doctor’s don’t look straight at the baby because the baby naturally grows an attachment to the first face it sees when it is born. That is why babies naturally stop crying easier around their own mom, than someone else’s. The thing I stress with this is, though, that both parents be in the baby’s eyesight. Don’t allow the baby to only see the mom, or only see the dad, make sure the baby see’s two equals.
4. After the delivery make sure the father knows he is appreciated for everything he does. Many moms forget how stressful a long day at work can be. They forget that even sitting around all day can still be very tasking if there are a bunch of calls or a lot of people demanding your attention at work. The father does a lot for the family and has just as long of a day as a mother, and the mother needs to remember that. Even so much as showing how excited she is that he is home and giving him a kiss every day. Also, when the father comes home, don’t forget that the mother has been working all day too. Both parents should divide up the responsibilities equally when the father comes home. Both of you are tired, so this helps divide the stress and maybe even minimize it a little.
5. The last thing that is important is to remember to always keep the father first in the mother’s life. Yes, the child is very important and needs attention, but this can cause, in a way, envy or loneliness from the father. Both the mother and father should never go to bed angry, apologizing before hand, and they should always pray together, let each other know if they are stressed from the minute the stress is starting to appear. They should call each other every day, not text or email unless they were with each other all day. These calls allow the other spouse to hear the others voice and to be reassured that they are more important than what they are doing at the moment. A text means, “I’m busy, but I’ll try to get this out of the way.” A call shows you are willing to talk and listen to your spouse’s. Lastly, a date night once a week never hurt anyone. It allows bonding free from stresses of work, children, and other things. Plus, it may allow a family member to bond with the child a little more (such as a grandmother). Why do I stress togetherness so much? Because the child can sense when there is a lack of a relationship. Once the child starts coming before the marriage, it causes a split and makes the father feel less attention from the mother. This can lead to events such as a split or divorce. And in reality, a divorce is never good for a child. A child needs both parents to function and to get equal perspectives. A high marriage causes a high family life. The child can sense when the parents get along, which in essence creates a stronger bond with the child. The child feels safe and like the home is a place where there is peace, security and love.

 

Please be aware; however, that there was only slight declines in marital satisfaction after the marriage and birth of each child.

Questions:
1. In what ways do or will you increase your own marital satisfaction?
2. Do or have you ever cohabited? Please explain the benefits and losses from your own cohabitation experience(s)?
3. I know this is off the beaten path a little, but I am curious, will you or have you discussed ways--with your (future) partner-- in which you will:
A. Handle finances
B. Discipline your children
C. Do traditions/holidays
D. Job distribution (inside AND outside the home)
E. How much involvement your extended family will have in you and your spouse's lives?
If not too personal, please explain some of the things that helped you decide these factors.

I apologize that these questions may feel a little bit pointed towards a certain group, I-- in no way-- intended this, and would appreciate everyone's opinion, no matter what relationship status you may hold.

As always, please comment with respect in the matter of mine and others opinions. Comments are being monitored and anything that falls short of this will be deleted.
Thank you so much!

***********Reader's Note***************
Also, I'd just like to say thank you so much for all the incredible support on my blog. It has opened my eyes and helped me learn so much about different lifestyles and structures. I appreciate everything and everyone who has helped make this such a wonderful blog to come and read your comments from! Love you guys!