In class this week, we are learning about the different types of styles theorists see in the family. Of course, there is a wide genre, but there are 4 types of theory's that are used the majority of the time when trying to discover the family. They are:
-Exchange Theory
-Systems Theory
-Symbolic Theory
-Conflict Theory
These theories can act on their own, or they can interact with each other.
There was one theory I wanted to focus on specifically, though. Which is the Systems Theory. This theory suggests that the whole family is greater than the sum of all parts. "What does this have to do with homesickness?" You may ask. Well, let me further explain.
I have been up on campus for a little over two weeks now, and I have seen the majority of the students that I interact with on campus here, or at other universities claim that they are "homesick." Which made me then ask them, "What do you miss about home?" More likely than not, the first thing they state is, "My family." Which brings confusion, because your family is not home... it is your family. So is it really homesickness?
My mother works almost all the time and when I started working to at 16, I almost never saw her. She was the only person I lived with, too. My mom is a hard worker and a true mother, don't get me wrong... but why wasn't I feeling homesick?
I believe homesickness is not triggered from missing the actual physical home, but the elements surrounding it. It's a deeper issue that lies within. With my mom and I being apart for so long, it's been hard for me to draw a deep connection into missing her as much as other students are missing their parents. Just like in the systems theory. One person needs their whole family to work and to feel that "missing family feeling" rather than one person trying to work around never seeing their family.
I drew close to my brother and my dad in my younger years, so as they started to leave and disappear over time I have developed that missing feeling for them, but not home.
When I miss elements around my home, I state them as they are instead of saying I am homesick. "I miss my friends" is one of the more known statements I use. They were and still are like my family, and helped me develop a lot of my roots. Which allows me to feel a missing feeling again for them, but not for my actual physical home. (Furniture, old clothes, even the carpet coloring, ect.)
My questions for you:
Is it really homesickness or should we start referring to it as something else?
What are your feelings on homesickness?
If you have any other questions or comments feel free to comment below. Please remember, as always, that I am monitoring the comments and any comments that are disrespectful of mine or others' opinions will be deleted. Thanks!
Hi Raini, this is your favorite Aunt Wan :) Good points on your statement. I think "homesickness" is more for many people about change and the fear of the unknown. Most kids are raised for 18 years in a stable home with parents that are steady and a "rock" for them to rely on. Your parents and family take care of you, make many decisions for you, provide emotionally, financially and physically for you. As you leave home and are on your own in an unknown environment that is not steady and "safe" like you have always known it is scary. It is a time that you are expected to all of the sudden be an "adult" almost overnight. All of the sudden you are expected to provide all those things they did for yourself. And for many they do not know how to "be an adult" all they have know is being a child, teen, young adult and now and adult. Is it ok to say that you are homesick when you miss your parents and family? I think yes it is. That is just a way of saying I miss my stability and your parents have been your stability and now they are not there to come home to, your surroundings are different your family has changed into people that you just live with now, that are not the ones that you know love you unconditionally and care about your wellbeing first and foremost. You are the only one you can depend on now. Feelings of loneliness or fear most always are just called "homesickness" it is easier than just saying I am so scared and not sure what I am supposed to be doing right now in this new unknown part of my life. It is a right of passage that we all have to proceed through, it is part of what makes us "grow up" and learn about ourselves and about what we need to be and who we really are and learn to trust and rely on ourselves and Heavenly Father to make the right choices. Many skip this important learning process and go right in a marriage which, I feel is maybe not the right thing to do either. I think everybody needs to have this "homesickness" time to learn about themselves and become who they want to be before they just marry and again are relying on someone else to take care of them, they are just replacing the stability of home and parents and family with a spouse. Which in many cases does not make for a strong marriage, you have to be independent and dependant on each other at the same time, which if you have not experienced the independent phase in your life it makes it hard to work this dual relationship part of marriage work. So take this "growing up" time, be homesick, it is ok in whatever form it is for you and learn from it, grow, rely on Heavenly Father and become the best you !!!
ReplyDeleteHey Raini, this is Morgan! I loved this post! It made me really think about the things I have been feeling since I arrived on campus. I know that I have been homesick! It has been hard adjusting because I, too, left only a mom at home. Thinking about what you said about not really missing the home, I agree. I do not miss my neighborhood, or the physical structure of my house. No, this is because wherever my mom is, that is home to me. And I think that is why I tend to go home as much as I can. Not that I need to be in my old room with all of my familiar surroundings. But just the fact that I can be with my mom, wherever she may be, is home. But I know, like your aunt said, that it is a part of growing up and being on my own. For me, my homesickness will never fade because my mom won't constantly be by my side as she was for the last 18 years. But I know that as I progress through this scary and unpredictable portion in my life, that there will be a great reward at then end, and that is finding out who Heavenly Father wants me to become. Thank you for this post and sharing your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteOur family is a "system" and cannot be called our family unless all of us are a part of it. I think "Homesickness" is the best way to describe these feelings people get when they leave their family to venture out on their own. You miss your home and what is inside that home; love, stability, friends, family.
ReplyDeleteThe degree of Homesickness someone gets homesick largely depends on that home life. With you, you were home alone because of a working mother and then you got your own job so you were also gone from the home to go to school and work. Therefore that break came slowly and gradualy and you aren't feeling it as much. For other's their home is their whole life and they never ventured far from that. Outside of school, they were are always with a family member and therefore the degree of homesickness is very great. For others, home life may have been horribly unpleasant, so leaving was a sense of relief and good riddance, so there isn't homesickness at all.
To summarize, homesickness is the best word to use and it varies depending on the home life you came from. I on the other hand, miss my daughter very much and am "homesick" for her. :-) But, I am very proud of what a strong young woman she is becoming!
I liked this. It's pretty good, the logic is fluid and it all makes sense. I think that the grammar needs to be polished, though.
ReplyDeleteHaha I love you and all Rebekah, but the grammar doesn't matter for this. It's the content... he even said in the first discussion he doesn't care about the writing style, just as long as we write about our opinions and beliefs we are discussing in class. :)
DeleteMy daughter(who is also my best friend) is also away at college. Although she is the one who is away from home, I am homesick for her. Also, I have not lived with my parents for 25 years, but somedays I feel homesick for them. My opinion on the word homesick is a catch all phrase for missing or longing for those people we love or things that are familiar to us.
ReplyDeleteWhen I use the term "homesick" , since I've moved out, I feel like I miss the life I had before I moved here. I miss my family, my friends, my ward, my school, and even just the people I generally associated with.
ReplyDelete