Satisfaction in Marriage

 I would just like to begin by apologizing for how long this post is. But it is very informative and if you are married or plan on getting married, I would highly recommend reading it. Thank you! :)

My opinion: This week we learned about marital satisfaction and what contributes to marital satisfaction. We learned that sadly, as time goes on, marriage generally decreases in satisfaction. This may contribute to each individual not realizing the others habits and traditions completely. Something so small as one person leaving the bathroom clean and the other spouse not leaving it clean, can contribute to less satisfaction, because in reality, your partner isn't exactly like you.

"Well then, we will just cohabitate." Study after study has proven that cohabitation leads to a higher risk of divorce, and it actually does not, in reality, help prepare you for marriage. I understand and know people close to me whom have cohabited and this is in no way meant to offend them, it is strictly fact.

Also, as time continues on, each child born causes an increase in marital dissatisfaction. This is not because the child is the problem, per say, but that the child requires extra attention-- which may lead the father to start feeling less satisfied because he is lacking attention from the wife because the wife may be giving more attention to the baby.

How do we avoid this? Well, for class I came up with a list of five things we can do before, during, and after the birth of the first child that can generally increase marital satisfaction and make each child help the satisfaction levels either stay or grow, not decline.

1. Before the birth a woman can have the husband take part in the little parts of the child growing. Such as when the baby kicks, allow the husband to feel the tummy. In fact, encourage it. Also, make sure he is at every doctor’s appointment as possible. Make the ultrasound visits priority. This is still the parents (mom and dad) child. This child is important and needs attention even before it’s born.
2. During the delivery, make sure the husband is there through everything. He is at the wife’s side while she is giving birth. That he is there for her every need. If she needs water, a nurse, anything. The husband is fully involved. Don’t find it annoying having him constantly by your side during this process; in the end it will be more helpful than ever.
3. One thing I find super important is when the baby is first born is the face the baby looks at. Doctor’s don’t look straight at the baby because the baby naturally grows an attachment to the first face it sees when it is born. That is why babies naturally stop crying easier around their own mom, than someone else’s. The thing I stress with this is, though, that both parents be in the baby’s eyesight. Don’t allow the baby to only see the mom, or only see the dad, make sure the baby see’s two equals.
4. After the delivery make sure the father knows he is appreciated for everything he does. Many moms forget how stressful a long day at work can be. They forget that even sitting around all day can still be very tasking if there are a bunch of calls or a lot of people demanding your attention at work. The father does a lot for the family and has just as long of a day as a mother, and the mother needs to remember that. Even so much as showing how excited she is that he is home and giving him a kiss every day. Also, when the father comes home, don’t forget that the mother has been working all day too. Both parents should divide up the responsibilities equally when the father comes home. Both of you are tired, so this helps divide the stress and maybe even minimize it a little.
5. The last thing that is important is to remember to always keep the father first in the mother’s life. Yes, the child is very important and needs attention, but this can cause, in a way, envy or loneliness from the father. Both the mother and father should never go to bed angry, apologizing before hand, and they should always pray together, let each other know if they are stressed from the minute the stress is starting to appear. They should call each other every day, not text or email unless they were with each other all day. These calls allow the other spouse to hear the others voice and to be reassured that they are more important than what they are doing at the moment. A text means, “I’m busy, but I’ll try to get this out of the way.” A call shows you are willing to talk and listen to your spouse’s. Lastly, a date night once a week never hurt anyone. It allows bonding free from stresses of work, children, and other things. Plus, it may allow a family member to bond with the child a little more (such as a grandmother). Why do I stress togetherness so much? Because the child can sense when there is a lack of a relationship. Once the child starts coming before the marriage, it causes a split and makes the father feel less attention from the mother. This can lead to events such as a split or divorce. And in reality, a divorce is never good for a child. A child needs both parents to function and to get equal perspectives. A high marriage causes a high family life. The child can sense when the parents get along, which in essence creates a stronger bond with the child. The child feels safe and like the home is a place where there is peace, security and love.

 

Please be aware; however, that there was only slight declines in marital satisfaction after the marriage and birth of each child.

Questions:
1. In what ways do or will you increase your own marital satisfaction?
2. Do or have you ever cohabited? Please explain the benefits and losses from your own cohabitation experience(s)?
3. I know this is off the beaten path a little, but I am curious, will you or have you discussed ways--with your (future) partner-- in which you will:
A. Handle finances
B. Discipline your children
C. Do traditions/holidays
D. Job distribution (inside AND outside the home)
E. How much involvement your extended family will have in you and your spouse's lives?
If not too personal, please explain some of the things that helped you decide these factors.

I apologize that these questions may feel a little bit pointed towards a certain group, I-- in no way-- intended this, and would appreciate everyone's opinion, no matter what relationship status you may hold.

As always, please comment with respect in the matter of mine and others opinions. Comments are being monitored and anything that falls short of this will be deleted.
Thank you so much!

***********Reader's Note***************
Also, I'd just like to say thank you so much for all the incredible support on my blog. It has opened my eyes and helped me learn so much about different lifestyles and structures. I appreciate everything and everyone who has helped make this such a wonderful blog to come and read your comments from! Love you guys!

Dating and Love

This week we are learning about dating and how people generally fall in love. At first, I wanted to wait until the end of the week to write this blog post, but I feel like I will gain more from this post if I get responses while I have as little knowledge on the topic as possible. So, for the sake of this post, I would love to hear some responses.
My opinion:
Mainly what we focused on was what attracts a male to a female-- what makes them want to date each other. We discussed and discovered that similarities attract more than opposition. "Opposites attract" is a very biased theory and is completely untrue.
For the most part, couples should agree on certain topics such as religion or finance. The more disagreement that comes, the more fighting there is. Yes, as I stated in my last post, we as males and females should be able to express our unique characteristics, but I am pretty sure a pro football player and a couch potato would not get along. The football player would want to running or hiking, while the couch potato would want to go out for desert every night. This is just one example, there are many more cases like this.
We also learned that as psychologists gave couples counseling they would tell their clients to use "I" statements or to "fight fair." But over time, this really was just teaching the clients to manipulate each other and by doing so, more divorce rates came from couples who took this method of couples counseling rather than ones who didn't take either. So my professor did something so simple, but so genius I couldn't help but wonder why couples can't just do this on their own? He developed the method of just asking how the couples met. Who hit on who. What did they do on the first date? By doing this he not only got the couples to reminisce on good memories, but to remember why they fell in love in the first place.

Questions:
1. What attracts you to the person you want to date or marry? What makes you get those butterflies all over again? (And please don't just say "everything my husband does" or along those lines; I want to know specifics.)
2. What do you think is best for making a successful marriage? Talking it out? Religion? Agreement?
3.Although it was not mentioned much in this article, what do you think love is in a brief definition?

Any other comments are welcome. Please agree or disagree respectfully of mine and others opinions. Anything that falls short of this will be deleted. And again, this is one post I would really like some response to, mainly because it is specifically targeted toward my career. Thank you! :)

Gender Differences... Good or Bad?

This week we are talking about gender differences and why gender equality is being so much in today's economy.
My opinion: I believe that everyone is born uniquely. That males and females have individual roles. Males are more likely to be masculine and tough in their upbringing. When choosing for toys they tend to go towards the guns and cars.
Girls on the other hand are feminine and nurturing. As children, also choosing for toys, they go towards dress up and dolls.
What about when giving the children the same toys?
The girls will turn cars into babies, and the boys will turn Barbie's into weapons.
This is based off of scientific observation. A research study showed that males have an extra dose of testosterone in their systems before they were even born. When the study was places on monkey's, they injected an extra dose of testosterone into a female monkey and she became naturally more aggressive. The rest of the females were calm and easy going.
I think it is ok to give everyone equal rights, but is it what we are meant to do as males and females? Everyone has their gender specific roles and they need to embrace them rather than trying to avoid them.
I think males and females would be able to get along better as a married couple or whole if they realized their divine nature on this earth. Their roles can balance each other out. Males are stronger, while the female is weaker. Females are more nurturing while males can sometimes not pick up on subtle messages.
All in all, males and females should be able to express these unique differences, without being attacked for showing discrimination.

Question:
1. Do you believe men and women should be treated equally or should they be able to show their divine purposes on this earth?

Any other feedback is welcome. Please comment respectfully of my opinions and of others. Any abusive comments will be deleted.

For further reference read this article: http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Stossel/story?id=2503292&page=1

Thanks!

Right and Wrong

In our class our teacher posed the question of what is right and what is wrong. He asked if we believe that everyone has a firm 'right' and 'wrong' sense of judgment and that everyone agrees on what is good and bad, so my answer/opinion to it was, without too much change:
"I believe there is a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, but no two single people agree on the exact same things of what is right and what is wrong.
A person is not born automatically knowing if their decisions are good or bad, they must be taught those things. So what is right and what is wrong? If one family believes, for instance, that guns should be allowed in homes, they will teach their children that and the children will believe that guns are a good thing and they are right. But another family could be strongly opposed to guns and believe they are a bad thing and teach their child that that is wrong to have a gun in the home for protective purposes.
So which family is right? There is no exact limit for what is right and wrong.
Or another example is that we are taught that with our Christian beliefs, certain things are more morally wrong than others, like wine. On the other hand, there are many religions’ and cultures that believe that wine is good, that it shows their love for Jesus, and is a good medical instrument.
We are taught by our beliefs what is right and wrong, so I am going to have to disagree that there is a confirmed right and wrong with the world and everyone knows what is right and wrong. Our culture has been so impacted on getting things to change and letting individuals express freedom, that even if there was once a compliance before, there isn’t now. There will always be something to disagree on.
I just use my best judgment and do what I believe is the right thing, because in my opinion it is what pleases God, not the world.
2 Nephi 5:32 'And I engraved that which is pleasing unto God. And if my people are pleased with the things of God they will be pleased with mine engravings which are upon these plates.'"

My questions to you:
What do you believe is right and wrong?
Do you believe that everyone has the same terms and agreement for what is right and wrong?

As always please comment respectfully towards mine and others' opinions. It's ok to agree or disagree as long as you are respectful about it. All harassing comments will be deleted. Thanks!